character : kaeya request : hello! sage, right? that's such a lovely name! ^^ i saw you wanted requests so here i am, in all

character : kaeya

request : hello! sage, right? that’s such a lovely name! ^^ i saw you wanted requests so here i am, in all my glory!! anyways, i would like to request a bittersweet scenario with kaeya :D the plot is really up to you but as long as there is a n g s t and some fluffy bits it’d be great! have a wonderful rest of the week, love! signed, camellia (not my real name but it’s my fave flower!!)

word count : 755

additional notes : [ minor spoilers for kaeya’s background !! ] hihi :D gahh tysm :( camellia’s a really pretty name as well !! i’m so sorry this took so long !! i kept starting and restarting and agh </3 so much word vomit how to angst

the light of day was just starting to loom over mondstadt by the time kaeya started pulling his clothes on to attend to his usual tasks as cavalry captain. day after day he’d go out in the early hours of the morning only to return home well past sundown. it wasn’t easy, coming home countless nights with sore muscles and droopy eyes. even then, he’d still find it within himself to come back to you with open arms and an exhausted smile.

kaeya turned back towards your shared bed. you were now leaning in the direction of his side, a hand resting on the empty sheets of his side. a few weeks ago he might’ve considered spending a few more minutes in bed with you in hopes of being the first thing you wake up to. he pressed a soft kiss to your brow, turning on his heel to head out the door. he felt sorry to leave you behind yet again. lately it seemed as though he wasn’t spending as much time with you as he should’ve been. it saddened him, but he figured that it couldnt be helped. kaeya had his own responsibilities, as did you.

with how busy he had been as of late, there was no time left to shower you in fleeting compliments. no time left to indulge in the warmth of your arms. no time left to simply be yours.

he should’ve known from the beginning. kaeya wasn’t in the position to love as carelessly as he had been. a knight of favonius, and a captain at that. not to mention his past shrouded in secrecy. everyone in mondstadt loved the kaeya they were familiar with; the kaeya he carefully crafted for them to see. telling white lies was second nature to him. telling them to you was no different. 

communication wasn’t his strong suit. he was too afraid to tell the truth of his past, too afraid to let you in, too afraid of what the future had in store for mondstadt. kaeya lived his life burdened by lie upon lie. he was too far in, there was no way he could just let go of the lies he’d fed you up until then. 

the last time he decided to be upfront about the truth, it ended with his relationship with his brother in shambles. he couldn’t bring himself to meet that same end with you. not yet, maybe not ever. would you feel betrayed ? hurt by the reality of your lover being a mere facade of the person hidden underneath ?

as much as he reveled in spending time with you, holding you, touching you, having you, kaeya was well aware of the inevitable end. he was a fool to fall so deeply in the first place. one moment he’d be brushing strands of your hair behind your ear, swooning at the way you’d react to his advances. the next he’d be damning himself for falling victim to your charms so seamlessly.

maybe it was his own selfish desires forcing him to stay in your hold. it was pathetic almost, the way he shamelessly indulged in the innocent love you’d offer, unaware of the burdens constantly gnawing away at the back of his mind. guilt consumed him every time he found himself easing you with a new set of lies.

someday he’d have to get away. kaeya wasn’t sure if it would be to save you or to save himself. surely nothing good would come out of stringing you along with false hope and sweet promises to be broken.

and yet, he’d still find himself enamored by you. a small part of him stayed bitter, knowing that the facade he put up for you was the same as he’d put up for everyone else. he found it rather interesting, the way he could bring people into the palm of his hand by the work of a few well articulated words.

he was corrupt from the inside out. he was well aware of it too. who was he to taint someone like you with such deceitfulness ? being with you was more than enough to make him sneer at his own cowardness. he was too secretive, too scared of consequences even with you by his side. you, the very person putting your trust in him even with him being unable to return the trust.

guilt seems to follow kaeya wherever he goes. it just might just be what brings him to finally push you way for once and for all.