but what if love is not enough? (kaeya x reader)

ok so. ive had this in my drafts forever bc i wanted to write kaeya w my oc but !! i changed it a lil so that i could post it here … love the concept of kaeya & a fatui reader . tragic romance look out!

summary: an assignment to monstadt comes with some untimely feelings for its resident captain, kaeya. from beginning to the bitter end.

i. arrival in monstadt

monstadt is so much quieter than snezhnaya.

every time you came here, you were always amazed at how easy it was to get lost in the cozy atmosphere; the sun warm against your cheeks like an inviting kiss. if you weren’t in the job you were in now, you could even see yourself settling down here.

but you had a job to be done, and no matter how tempting it was to laze about in the daytime breeze, you needed to see it through.

you were tasked with observing the monastery’s security — finding what time would be best for one of your agent’s to swoop in and steal the holy lyre. not only that but locating it in the catacombs of the church would be no easy task.

but the tsaritza has trusted you, if you failed her you fear you could never live through the shame that failing such an important mission would bring. you wanted to be special to her.

so, you easily fit into the role of a new adventurer’s guild recruit. you had been to monstadt quite a few times, you knew how to fit in. it was easy, keep your head down low, keep cordial conversations with the people in town. the adventurer’s guild was like a big family, you were easily able to worm yourself into their ranks and become special to them.

until kaeya came along.

ii. the angel’s share

he’s slightly buzzed when he stumbles over to your table, hair slightly askew as he takes a seat beside you, smiling like he’s found something shiny.

“haven’t seen you around here,” he leans forward, chin resting on his clasped hands, eye watching you fondly. “and trust me, i’d remember such a pretty face.”

you snort, fingers tapping the glass of dandelion wine. it was so much weaker than snezhnaya’s alcohol. “you say that to every pretty new person you see?”

he laughs, gently, almost calculated. “only the ones that seem intriguing. you’re not from here, are you?”

“i was born here, but my parents travelled around a lot.” you know your fake backstory almost as well as your real one. “thinking i’ll stay here from now on. monstadt’s a nice place.”

you expected him to dig more, but he doesn’t, instead leaning back in his seat and raising his glass towards you. “well then, it seems we have a reason to celebrate. to you, returning home.”

“to returning home.” you says, clinking your glass against his. kaeya watches you with a detached amusement as you bring your lips up to your drink.

the rest of the night passes with an easygoing conversation between you two. to anyone else, it may have seemed like he was trying to befriend you, but you knew he was smarter than that. he was one of the knight’s more trusted, every innocent question was no doubt testing you to see if you said anything contradictory, anything damning. he was onto you — you would have to keep your eyes on the smooth talker.

iii. tagging along

“i have a favor to ask of you, adventurer.” his honeyed voice makes you turn around quickly as he leans over the back of your chair. “mind lending me an ear?”

you sigh, exasperated. “depends on what you need!”

he takes this as an invitation to join you at the small table for two, making himself comfortable. “it’s nothing extreme, you can stop looking at me with such suspicion.”

“i wasn’t, i just don’t know why a calvary captain would need my help with something. surely you can ask one of the other knights?”

“i suppose i could but,” he takes a tomato out of your salad and puts it in his mouth, grinning. “as an adventurer, you know these ruins better than i do. i just needed a guide to help me out, and who better to ask than my favorite member?”

“i buy you a few drinks and suddenly i’m your favorite?” in the few months in being here, it had become regular to meet up with kaeya at the tavern. he always acted happy to see you, eye glinting as he orders a drink in your name.

it was easy talking to him, the banter between you two came naturally, as if he was an old friend. you almost were inclined to let your guard down around him; you had to force yourself to keep some secrets close to the chest.

and yet, you knew almost nothing solid about him.

“alcohol is the quickest way to my heart, and… everything else.” he cocks his head to the side. “i’ll owe you one if you help me. this is a rare opportunity indeed.”

“what is it you’re looking for in the ruins?”

“a certain abyss mage who’s been stirring up trouble. with my brother gone away on business they seem to be getting more bold… i need to see why they keep crawling so close to monstadt.”

“i’m afraid i’ll have to leave all the fighting to you, then. i’m not very good with a weapon.”

“a vision wielder no use against a single abyss mage? i find that highly unlikely.” malicious enjoyment flashes across his face. “meet me at the front gates in an hour. i’ll give you some time to get ready.” and without a further word, he leaves. you feel your blood grow cold.

you’ve hidden your vision the whole time. subconsciously, you touch the spot where it’s concealed below your clothes. how could he have figured it out? did he… figure out who you really were?

no, he couldn’t have. you weren’t in prison right now, after all.

“right… of course.”

iv. night walks

you stare at the blank piece of paper, mind at a loss as to what to update them about. you had already fulfilled your purpose for the most part, you were let onto the fact that some of the fatui were being sent over for diplomatic purposes — or at least that’s what they said.

nothing of note to report that you could think of, nothing that your superiors would care about anyways. they wouldn’t want to hear about your days exploring monstadt’s ruins unless you found anything of note, wouldn’t care about your blossoming friendships with sara and amber, nor the weird attachment kaeya had seemed to form for you.

stay away from him, they warned in the first letter back after you had informed them of him finding out about your vision, he’s far sharper than he lets on.

thinking of kaeya only made your head hurt, so you let out a sigh, stretching your tired limbs above your head. your legs were stiff from being cooped in all day due to the rain, but now that it had stopped, you were determined to go clear your head.

pulling on a coat and boots, you step out into the humid night air. the feeling after the rain was a calm one, the streetlight reflecting off the puddles making the town look dewy. you breathe it all in.

you stroll up the stairs past the town center, all the little shops and merchants were packed up by this hour, and you doubted even the taverns would be open. the only people out were the night watch of the knights of favonius and the insomniacs.

“out for a midnight tryst?” and him, of course. you resist the urge to roll your eyes. “don’t worry, i won’t tell anyone.”

“kaeya, what a surprise.” you smile at him. he looked even more handsome under the moonlight, his hair let down and spilling over his shoulder, almost the same color as the night sky. maybe he was a child of the dusk itself, cut from the stars and sent to earth. “working overtime?”

he laughs, quietly, strolling over to you. “no, was just on my way back from the bar.” he lies as easily as he breathes. “what are you doing out so late?”

as always, he diverts the conversation to yourself. “couldn’t sleep. thought some fresh air might help me think.”

“you have ink on your hands, were you writing to someone?” he puts his hand on the small of your back, guiding you to walk with him. kaeya wasn’t a stranger to casual touches, he often brushed his hands against your arms or thighs as if daring you to react. now it feels more gentle, less of a dare and more of a friendly touch.

“to my… family.” you hope he doesn’t notice your hesitation. “i haven’t been able to send them updates recently, i’ve been so busy in the guild.”

“i’ve noticed. you sure are a hard-worker,” his hand doesn’t move from its place on you, “but besides that, i can’t believe you’ve never told me about your family, i hope they’re well?”

“they are well, thank you.” you bite your lip, “i think i’ve said this before but we used to travel around a lot. they’re in snezhnaya at the moment.” a half-truth, at least. you’d see if he dug any deeper.

“snezhnaya, i hope that they prepared for the cold.” he then stops, looking seriously at you. “you haven’t been there, have you?”

“i… have when i was younger.” you kick at the gravel with your foot, reminiscing. “i remember ice fishing with my friends, one of us almost fell in…

"were you there for a long time?”

“i was, my formative years were spent there.”

you lead him through the grass, taking a seat on the ledge above the fountain. the stars shone beautifully in the night sky.

“it makes sense, you have a similar fighting style to some of the fatui agents i’ve sparred with before.”

another chill runs through your body, you quickly lie. “yes, i trained with some of them as a kid.”

“i see.” did he know who you were? was he simply waiting for you to admit it? “can i ask you something?”

you swallow the anxiety in your chest, nodding slightly. kaeya seems serious for the first time since you’ve met him.

“if you had to choose between… your duty and the life you’ve made here, what would you pick?”

was he testing you? seeing if you would betray monstadt? he knew who you were, he probably knew all along, and yet he let you stay. why?

“everyone here has been so kind to me, sara, amber, the guild. you too are… special to me. i enjoy every moment that i’m here.” you open up to him, genuinely, for the first time. “but my duty comes first. to my motherland, it’s my home, after all.”

you both are quiet for a moment, an uncomfortable silence stretching between the two of you. “why did you want to know?” you ask.

kaeya smiles, but he looks almost sad as he looks at you. “it’s nothing, simply curious. come, let me walk you back.”

v. ludi harpastum

ludi harpastum marked two weeks of celebration in monstadt, a festival of love and music, and a time to express your feelings for those you held closest.

you didn’t want to celebrate, admitting you loved the people here truly would only make it harder for when you were to leave. but it was easy to be dragged into the cheer when everyone around you seemed keen to pull you into the fun.

but even more so, kaeya seemed to be watching you more closely. he’d walk with you, your hand holding onto his elbow as you both go window shopping, him promising you that when his overtime paycheck came in, that he’d buy you anything you wanted.

you were never sure if he was truly happy with you or if it was a front, but you found that you didn’t care so much. you could pretend in the blissful moment that he wasn’t your enemy, that you truly knew nothing about the man who complimented you and gave you encouraging pats on the head.

even if it was all a façade that would come crashing down soon, you were happy around him.

that is, until you see a note placed gently on your bed:

happy ludi hapastum,

the festival is more beautiful than ever this year. i think the residents are tired of being shut indoors all day, fearing for their safety, so they’re celebrating harder to spite stormterror. honestly, i don’t blame them, i’m having another round tonight to celebrate!

thank you for indulging me this week. it’s not often i get to be a selfish person, so i thank you once again for allowing me to be so, if only for a few days. i know you’re probably feeling the same way.

no hard feelings if i miss you on the last night, i’ll be busy preparing so i’ll be ready when tomorrow comes.

you and i both know how this ends. i am truly sorry we met under these circumstances. you are someone i feel like i am drawn too. it sickens me. i have to cut off this weakness before it festers more.

with all my heart, kaeya.

you look down at the note, now crumpled in your hands. love was bitter and awful.

vi. the end

he stares at you, his eye cold, malicious. you’re wondering if this is the real kaeya; have you sunk your claws into him enough that he’s finally showing you the real him? or is this simply another façade of himself? you don’t know why you care.

or maybe you do, the truth was simple: you loved him. somewhere, buried deep was a need to know who the real kaeya was so you could fix him. like maybe love could make him whole.

but it couldn’t. you were a fool to believe so. love wasn’t more important than your duty to the fatui. love wasn’t strong enough to change kaeya’s mind. love simply wasn’t the magic that you grew up hearing about in fairytales — sometimes it was just an inconvenient emotion.

your blade presses up against his chest, making sure he doesn’t try anything drastic. “i hate that i have to do this but…”.

he cocks his head to the side, smiling through gritted teeth. “you don’t seem very remorseful to me. and here i thought we were friends!”

“you don’t have friends, kaeya.” you know he’s trying to agitate you; you knew his tactics by now. “not the real you. i don’t think you’re even capable of real love.”

“is that what you think of me, truly?” he rolls his shoulders, letting out a dramatic exhale. “you still don’t know me then.”

that makes you still, hand white-knuckling the end of your weapon. “i know you.”

“maybe,” he smiles. “just my luck to fall in love with a fatui agent, hm?”

“yeah… and just my luck to fall in love with my target.” someone was lying here.

love was not enough. with a small distraction, kaeya readies his blade, ready to fight to the death if needed.

maybe, in another life, things would be different.