Fragile amber

WASSUP FUCKERS-hey so i am back with an angst with slight comfort at the end but i ended it early because i suddenly can’t write fluff. Made the majority of this at 2am, again sorry for the long wait-i have a few other things i’m thinking of posting if i finish them.

CW? Talks of wars, injuries and a broken bone, fainting

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Glaze lilies, why they were beautiful, though they did bring a bittersweet feeling upon your tongue. You were spacing out again, losing yourself in fantasies as you stared over the stone forest. You were brought back to reality when he finally spoke up, though his voice sounded far away.

’-[name] are you okay?’

Archons and celestia above, why did he have to be so nice to you? Why does his voice have to sound like that, why does he never look at you like that… ’[name]?’ ‘ah sorry, what was that my lord?’ 'I simply wanted to ask how you were doing, but it appears that you had spaced out’ 'My apologies, I didn’t realize you were there’

That was months ago, years ago, everything blurred after a mundane existence. Wars and conflicts came and go, yet he’d never pay you mind again, it was as if he’d forgotten you. 'Perhaps this is for the better..’ you thought to yourself, after all, what chance did you have with a god? You were just a adeptus, an old one sure, but in the end you were just an adeptus. Nothing near a god.

You’d lost so many people already, family, friends, acquaintances, all gone. What’s another heartbreak? Surely it can’t be that bad right?

Glaze lilies, a flower that you had grown to have a distaste of over the years. Yet you used to love them, what had happened? Tracing your fingers over the delicate petals of the beautiful flower, you let the past and your regrets consume you, making you unaware of the presence of someone else.

A voice, a rather familiar voice…no. Surely you had to be hearing things. There was no way he was here, why would he be here anyways? It’d been several thousand years since he’d last talked with you, even more since he’d spend time with you or spare you a glance.

’[name].’

He called out, voice soft as ever, yet fatigue was evident in his voice.

'What are you doing here…my lord?’

Trying your hardest to not show the pain in your voice, the heartbreak that he’d caused.

'You look just like her you know’

’…My lord-’

'It’s Zhongli now, there’s no need for such formalities’

'Alright, Zhongli, I have a question that’s been on my mind for awhile now, do you think you can answer it?’

You asked him, voice cracking just the tiniest bit. He comes to sit beside you, admiring the view of the sunset and the stone forest,

'Oh? Well what is it, I’d love to give it a try’

Followed by a chuckle, it was moments like these that you wished would last forever.

'Do you…ever think about, what i felt when you left me, not a single word? And that if our stars would ever align?’

Your voice broke, and you finally built up the courage to look at him once again. His eyes widened just a bit with guilt and shock as he had never considered your feelings before, he had forgotten about you it seems.

He hadn’t aged a bit, his eyes still as warm as ever, his hair a beautiful color. No. You couldn’t allow yourself to fall again, but you were already in too deep, so you decide to hide, teleporting away to wherever you thought of first to avoid harsh rejection, He had reached for you but you were already gone.

Zhongli sat there, on the cliff, regret and guilt slowly chewed at him. After all, what kind of leader is he when he had forgotten all about one of his, and discarded them, to be forgotten. It was a month later, the rite of descension, you’d gone purely to see him, hoping to catch him afterwards. In truth you just wanted to see him again. So why, why had he died that day? You wouldn’t deny it if anyone asked but, a guttural scream of desperation and heartbreak was ripped from your throat, hot tears streaming down your face.

You had mourned, the ache in your heart so painful it was hard to focus on anything else. You swamped yourself with work, fighting, helping Ganyu, anything. You couldn’t allow yourself to think, no, you hadn’t even gotten a blink of rest for the past week. So when you went to Nantianam for a break, finally, why had you had to see him. Why was he there? And why was he with the outlander…? Pushing these thoughts quickly out of your mind, you attempted to go somewhere else but that floating companion caught eye of you before you could.

'Hey! Who are you!?’

’…It seems you’ve found some new friends Zhongli..’

'Hey don’t ignore paimon! And how do you know Mr. Zhongli ?!’

'I am one of the adepti, [name], why wouldn’t I know Mor-Zhongli.’

'Woah wait you’re another adeptus? Why haven’t we met yet?’

'That’s not something you need to know, I’ll take my leave now, it was nice meeting you’

You left, without hesitation, break now forgotten. He had found some new friends, he has to be happy right? He has to be happy to actually leave behind you right, or did you mean nothing to him? These thoughts clouded over your mind, but you decided to go back, they have to be gone by now right? Surely.

You hadn’t expected them to be underneath the tree, but seeing what they were fighting you decided to pop in. Pushing back the questions you had to focus,

'Heavens fury!’

You yelled, perfectly blocking an attack,

'Oh hey it’s you! Why are you here-’

'There’s no time for chatter, come on.’

It seemed all of you had this in the bag, there was no way anything could go wrong, right? That was what you thought, but out of the corner of your eye, you could see two attacks heading towards Zhongli.

Without even thinking of the consequences, you threw yourself in front of him and pushed him back. A scream ripped out of your throat at the burning pain you felt, maybe you should’ve thought this through, as the overloaded reaction sent you flying. You felt something crack as you landed, but got up nonetheless.

Pain and exhaustion from the previous of the past week caught up with you all at one, nearly sweeping you off of your feet but you had a duty to fulfill. With the last few strikes, you were able to defeat it with the traveller, but your body had another idea in mind other than staying awake. Fainting. Your body decided to give out on you, you could barely hear a far away cry of worry.

You jolted awake, immediately regretting the action as you felt how sore and painful each muscle in your body felt. 'Ah you’re awake’

'Why…’

A sigh came from him, of course you had questions, who wouldn’t?

'I’ll explain everything in a moment [name], how do you feel?’

’…Fine’

A hesitant stare of worry and suspicion was on you because of your answer.

'You were out for 3 days, you should’ve taken a break, even Ganyu knows that it isn’t good to work to that extent’

’…’

'But I guess I have to do some explaining, I grew tired, and you know that [name]. I think Liyue is ready to grow without me as a god, as rex lapis. But for your previous question, I didn’t realize, I was too into my own guilt and i apologize for that-’

'Stop. Did you even realize that I loved you? And when you see me again for the first time in thousands of years, you say 'you look just like her’. Of all the things you could say-’

Your voice cracked as a sob made it past your lips, hot tears pricked at your eyes threatening to fall.

’[name]…I-I didn’t realize and I didn’t know-I’m so sorry, please-’

'Zhongli i’ve been with you for years, thousands of years, hoping that you would just spare me a single glance of affection yet not once. Not once did you look at me like her. The only time I got a-anything close to that was when you looked at me, searching for her in me. s-somehow that hurt more. I don’t think i can d-do this much more’

As a bitter laugh came forwards. He could see the pain and sadness in your eyes, his heart tightened, and despite not knowing much about comforting people, he decided to hug you. Holding you in his arms, it hurt his heart so much to see you in this type of hysteria, to feel your form shake in his arms, sobs racking your body. Whispering comforting nothings into your ears, apologies stringed along in them.

Maybe you two could work out, but for now, you needed time, to heal. He would wait a whole eternity for you.