ok i have brain rot and …. @dulcesiabits wont shut up about childe so yeah here u go have this. not rlly shippy i just think childe is really inch resting
yes i wrote this at work❤
summary: childe wonders what it is he feels for lumine. hatred and… something are two sides of the same coin.
lumine’s hand were soft.
despite all her days and nights of seemingly endless errands, taking down monster camps day and night over, they never became calloused like his own. the way she used her sword was like a dance, light and fluid, the wind carrying every motion. it was like she wanted to be seen, and he loved watching her; how fast and deadly she was. it was so different than how he fought — quiet and deadly, striking before anyone noticed he was there.
a difference of cultures, he chalked it up to. lumine was from a place unknown to him; she describes her home world with a detached fondness. when she talks about her home, she talks about her brother. she talks about the nighttimes spent travelling, the glow of the fireflies, the comfortable silence, her blade’s steel clashing against her brother’s.
childe listens intently, but when she asks about his homeland he cannot bring himself to conjure up the same warmth. his eyes lose their light.
snezhnaya was not a home. how could it be? there was no attachment there. he had his sister but who else? friends could betray you, he had no other family to speak of. his homeland is cold in every sense of the word.
his real home was the end of a blade, the draw of a bow, the hilt of an axe. that, he knew better than any person. any home.
he hated lumine for what she stood for. people loved her, she was instantly liked by most who saw something in those wide eyes of hers. but most of all she had freedom, freedom to be whatever she wanted to be. she wasn’t held down by responsibilities she didn’t choose to take on. she didn’t live in fear that every night he might be killed in his sleep. that he might be replaced the second there was someone better than him.
childe’s hands were calloused, scarred; worn from fighting to stay alive since birth. he learned to fight as soon as he was able to curl his tiny hands around a blade.
———————(┬┬﹏┬┬)———————
when lumine asked him why he chose to use a bow when it was his worst weapon, he couldn’t answer honestly. he was so much better at up close and personal combat. that way he could see the light leave his enemy’s eyes, a rush akin to no other.
it scared him how much he liked that feeling — of being the best.
the truth was that he liked a bow because he liked the thrill of being so close to death. with a bow, he has to be quick, he has to think with a level head as enemies with weapons far deadlier than his are rushing towards him. with each blow and bruise etched on his skin was more proof that he had survived something and come out on top.
he wonders if her skin is untouched, or if she shares the same scars as him.
———————(┬┬﹏┬┬)———————
lumine was different from other foes he’s had to fight. she was small in stature but she wasn’t deterred by any enemy. she would be a challenge to defeat, even with his added delusion.
he imagines how good it would feel to end up on the end of her blade.
would she care if he died? would she look at him with bared teeth, snarling at him for lying to her? would she cast him aside pathetically, leaving him to bleed out, much like he did so many good people before? the only sure thing in childe’s life is how lonely he would always be: alone in life and alone in death.
or… what he dared not hope… she would look at him with those wide eyes brimming with tears, mumbling out an apology as she tries to save his life. she didn’t mean to hurt him so, just meant to stop him from hurting her friend, zhongli. above all the distrust of him would she… care for him?
childe hoped so. the ugliest parts of himself hoped so. like maybe she could fix those parts of him that he hid away from the world. she could blind him in her sunshine; he would be able to open himself up slowly, a ball of thread slowly unwinding.
that she could be his friend.
he was pathetic for having such hopes. childe knew she most likely hated him, he didn’t blame her. but if he couldn’t have her to himself, he would immortalize himself in her mind. a final dance between the two where only one would come out alive.
he hoped it would be her.
———————(┬┬﹏┬┬)———————
childe watches lumine from across the table, zhongli going on about every little flavor that mingled itself inside the jade parcels they were eating.
“ah, childe, are you going to eat that?” lumine tucks a strand of blonde hair behind her ear, motioning with her chopsticks to his plate. he had hardly touched his quingce stir fry. one of his favorites. “can i try a bite?”
“i can order you one if you’d like.” zhongli butts in.
“yeah, with what money…?” paimon crosses her arms, floating above your head to put another dumpling on her plate. she had already had more than anyone there.
“say ahhh!” childe teases, clumsily picking up a piece of everything on his plate. he was just getting used to chopsticks, but like anything else, he found he was able to use them quite quickly.
lumine’s cheeks fluster, and she leans forward, eyes shut as to not look in the eyes of the man who was teasing her. “ahh!”
so cute, childe thinks, as he feeds her.
“mmm,” she brings her hand to her chin, making sure nothing was left around her lips. “so good! maybe i should’ve ordered that too!”
“if you want one i’ll buy it for you,” he sticks his tongue out. “you’ll just have to pay me back someway!”
lumine’s smile falls. “i don’t trust whatever you’ll ask me for in return.”
zhongli hides his laugh behind his coat sleeve. “aw you’re no fun. you don’t trust me still, princess?”
always that moniker. lumine blinks owlishly. “i would be more inclined to do so if you told us why you are really here.”
her blunt honesty never fails to sting. the conversation goes from playful to awkward in a moment’s notice. paimon especially seems to take notice, and starts waving her hands in front of her in nervously.
“would you believe me if i told you it were fate?” he winks, and she rolls her shoulders, slumping back into her seat. lumine wished he were just easy; why did every man she meet have to act so slippery?
but even so she finds herself wanting to trust him. the deep loneliness she could feel he felt was something she knew like a friend. sure she always had people travelling with her that she loved, but none of them were her brother.
“…no, but i hate that i want to trust you,” she sighs, twirling a chopstick around her fingers. childe watches her hands, they looked so delicate. “i wish that there was a way for us to become friends.”
childe finds that he smiles genuinely for the first time in years.