yandere!genshin impact headcanons (s/o likes someone else) [Venti, Xiao, Kaeya, Diluc, Tartaglia, Zhongli]

I TOTALLY FORGOT I HAD VENTI XIAO AND KAEYA WRITTEN IN MY DRAFTS FOR A WHILE SO I FINISHED THIS LOLOLOLOL 

starting to realize i headcanon kaeya as general fuckboi #1 but… thats okay… i still love him….

TWs: yandere, ummm spoilers for the 1.1 update!! (zhongli specifically)

☼Venti☼

• Venti’s…well, he’s heartbroken.
• Why don’t you like him back? Sure, he’s not the most powerful archon there is, but he’s a lovable guy!
• He respects your choice but he’s not happy about it.
• To be frank, Venti’s a lot more accepting if the person you like is in Mondstadt. He has so much control over the city that it’s easier to get you to stay if someone you like is there, and it’s easier to make them not like you back.
• If they aren’t in Mondstadt…that sucks for them.
• Let’s hope they aren’t a traveler, because the harsh winds that follow their adventures make any sort of quest difficult.
• It gets so bad that they’re stuck in the eye of a tornado–they’re going to die.
• If you figure out that it’s Venti who’s causing it (assuming you’re there to save your crush), then the only way to calm him down is to assure him that you only have a puppy-crush on them. 
• He’s your number one!! You wouldn’t leave him!
• Venti’s fine with polyamory, as long as he’s your end goal (in his eyes). So, as long as he’s the most important to you, then he’ll let your side-lover be just that!
• Just make sure they don’t take precedence over him.

❧Xiao☙

• It doesn’t matter who you’re talking with, honestly. He’s just jealous that you’re paying attention to someone other than him.
• Oh, you wanted to speak with another adepti? Yeah, good luck with that.
• He’s not going to stop you, but he’s going to be with you the entire time. He’ll butt in on the conversation at every chance he gets, correcting your words and spinning tales that aren’t true.
• Xiao is seething with jealousy to the point where you can practically feel it coming off him in waves, but you don’t want to do anything about it. You haven’t talked to people in so long; anything is better than just sitting at home.
• But when you get back home with Xiao, he’s quick to ask you why you needed to talk to someone else. 
• Is he not good enough? Is his company not satisfying enough? Can he not hold a conversation?
• He’s not jealous though! Why would he be jealous?
• Don’t accuse him of being jealous; it just makes him angry. He’ll scoff and ask why he’d be jealous of you, a stupid, weak little human, talking to someone else.
• But he won’t outright deny it. He’ll be sarcastic, maybe ask a few rhetorical questions, but he’s gonna be too upset to say “no” upfront. 
• He might need some time to himself after his jealous fit.

❆Kaeya❆

• You must be stupid.
• Why would you like someone else when Kaeya’s right there?! He’s funny, smart, attractive, and GREAT in bed (he’s his number 1 testimony).
• Well, I guess it makes sense. You’re trying to make him jealous, obviously.
• He’s so sought after! You must be self conscious, so you’re trying to get his attention.
• Well, that’s unnecessary, but he’ll play along.
• ”Oh, you’ve got yourself a lover? Mmh, how cute.”
• As the relationship hits your one year anniversary, though…
• Kaeya doesn’t want to play these games anymore.
• It’s a good thing you and your lover both work under the Knight of Favonius!
• You’re both assigned to different stations. You’re demoted to guarding HQ’s front doors, and your lover is assigned to patrol the outskirts of Springvale. They’re so far away…surely you’ll own up to your feelings now.
• But you don’t. If anything, you miss your lover more now.
• So Kaeya decides it’s just better off if you cut ties with them.
• He doesn’t arrange their death; he’s not a fool. As crafty as he is, he’s not about to kill someone who’s merely following your scheme. 
• Instead he frames you, making it look like you’re cheating on your lover.
• They’re heartbroken. They can’t look you in the eye anymore, and they no longer go anywhere near you.
• Your friends are appalled that you’re a cheater, and you’re left scorned by the majority of the city. 
• With no one to help the pitiful you, it’s time for your superior–Kaeya–to help you through these hard times.

♨Diluc♨

• Unsurprisingly, Diluc isn’t too pleased to hear you’ve found someone else. 
• It’s hard to tell, though, since he’s so used to entertaining high-class persons and retaining a facade of neutrality. 
• You and your lover frequent Diluc’s bar; Diluc’s a good friend of yours, and you would never give your patronage to any other establishment! 
• It’s not as if he actually takes your hard-earned funds, though. Somehow he finds ways to return your money back to you, mostly anonymously or through other people. 
• The first time you showed up for a drink with someone on your arm, his eyes actually widened for a millisecond. Of course, this mistake never happened again, but it was such a shock for him to see your lovestruck face being directed to someone else. 
• Your lover is…decent enough. He can pick out one or two qualities that he’d admire in a partner, but (of course) you possess those qualities and more. 
• And he certainly thinks he has these qualities as well.
• Diluc is not a boastful man–as a matter of fact, he’s likely one of the most humble people in Mondstadt. But, when he sees you batting your eyelashes at that person on the stool next to you, he just can’t help but feel a bit self-conscious. What do you see in them that he doesn’t? What do you see in them that isn’t in him, too? 
• It hurts to know that, as hard as he tried to woo you these past few years, someone else seemed to have done it within a matter of days. Surely you would’ve told him about your lover prior to taking them to his bar if you’d known them since before your last visit; you tell Diluc everything!
• Which means your bond with this new…fascination of yours must not be too strong, right? After all, the two of you have known each other for years. Surely your bond with him is stronger than the one with your new lover.
• Planting a seed of doubt is certainly something he doesn’t do intentionally. Diluc’s passive expression of disapproval for your partner is so subtle that you don’t even notice it. But, subconsciously, you start to doubt how much you really feel for this person. Maybe it’s just a puppy crush?
• You go to Diluc for advice (after all, who else would you go to?), and he tells you that maybe it’s best for you to take a break from them.
• And, when you do, you practically forget all about them. Your time is suddenly filled with Diluc. He’s everywhere you go, and you never noticed how charming he is.
• It’s easier for you to notice now that your partner hasn’t shown their face in Mondstadt since you suggested taking a break and they all-too-quickly agreed. 
• Diluc is very pleased that you’ve come to your senses, even if he had to dirty his hands just a tad to help you come to the realization that he’s everything your previous partner had and more.

⁂Tartaglia⁂

• Well, I don’t know how you managed to slip through the cracks and somehow manage to even be around someone without Childe long enough to develop feelings for them, but I give you my condolences from the start.
• Obviously he’s not happy about it. Any time you even mention this person that you’ve fallen head-over-heels for, his eyes harden.
• “Hey, don’t talk about them in front of me, ‘kay? Actually, don’t talk about them at all. Don’t even think about them; they’re not worth your time. Our time.”
• He’s half right. The person isn’t worth his time, and he’s half of the “our” he refers to. 
• They’re not much of a challenge to take down, anyway. You fell in love with a Snezhnayan blacksmith; and they’re a dime-a-dozen. Physically they’re well-trained, but their mental skills pale in comparison to Childe’s. He’s quick to dispose of them, whether it’s through his influence and prestige that does it or his brute strength. 
• He doesn’t make an effort to be secretive about it, either. If he disposes of your “lover” physically, you’re probably there to watch. It hurts you to watch, but don’t you know it hurts him so much more that you thought this measly blacksmith could outdo him? Please, you’re delusional. 
• If he gets rid of them through his influence, it’s fairly easy to tell what happened. The other blacksmiths suddenly have better equipment and more staff, and your pretty little partner is just out of business. They can no longer afford to live in Snezhnaya, and they have to move somewhere cheaper. You’re certainly not allowed to follow, courtesy of the Fatui and Childe himself.
• He’ll straight up just say that he was the reason for it.
• “It’s a shame that your friend had to move, but what can be done? Not everyone’s cut out to run a business, especially if they overstep their boundaries.”
• Really, it’s your fault. Childe made it clear from the start that he was the only one who could catch your eye, lest you be blind to everyone else. 

✧Zhongli✧

• So, depending on when you manage to enrapture Zhongli, he’ll go about his business differently.
• If he still has his title of Rex Lapis of Liyue, he’ll be more willing to sabotage your partner’s life instead of yours. 
• Out of nowhere, your lover just can’t manage to support the two of you anymore. There’s only enough money for one of you to stay in the city, and you’re certainly not about to leave when you’re the one making the dough and your partner is struggling to even make a single mora. They leave to find work elsewhere and, out of shame, cut ties with you. You’re left in Liyue by yourself. 
• As much as it breaks your heart, you find yourself happier with your lover gone. You certainly gave your everything to them, and you very much adored them. But being able to eat and drink without worrying if you would be able to do it the next day takes so much stress off your shoulders.
• As soon as they’re gone, business is booming. You’ve even met someone else; a man named Zhongli who works for the Wangsheng Funeral Parlor. He’s very gentlemanly, and though you don’t think you’ll ever be able to connect with him as well as you did with your former companion, you can tell that he adores you.
• You really wish you could return the sentiment.
• If you meet Zhongli after he’s given up his Gnosis, he’ll be more direct with you. He’s no longer an Archon, so why should he beat around the bush?
• He’s surprised to hear that you’re already being courted by someone, but it’s a trivial task to him. He’ll become your friend through any means necessary, and eventually he’ll worm his way into your life. He becomes your constant companion–an acquaintance you wouldn’t trade for anything.
• But he becomes a friend of your friends, too. He’s just so charming; how could they not like him?
• Even your partner enjoys his company.
• Maybe…maybe even a bit too much?
• It hurts when they tell you they need space from you, especially when you know it’s because they want to spend more time with Zhongli. But, for reasons unknown to you, you just can’t be mad at the kind man. He’s been there for you, and it’s not his fault he’s so endearing.
• But you still harbor anger and jealousy, and you despise the fact that your lover is leaving you to pine after him.
• So, when Zhongli offers you a relationship, you take it to make your prior lover jealous. Maybe they’ll open their eyes and want you back when they realize how happy Zhongli is with you.
• And, trust me, Zhongli is very happy.