Childe realizes he needs Lumine. He needs her more than he needs the Tsaritsa.
[Fic Masterlist] // [AO3 Link]
“why”
Childe knew he had a problem when his fellow Harbingers questioned why he was still in Liyue despite having no assignments there for weeks. He couldn’t tell them it was to see Lumine.
After Teucer’s departure, he had found reason after reason to stay in Liyue: debt collection, initiating recruits—all busywork meant for lower ranks, and yet, he was there—right by Lumine’s side.
He had spent all his life chasing the thrill of life, a reason to live.
He had found it when first joining the Harbingers. The competitive nature of the Fatui army was the perfect grounds for sating his desire for danger. But even that fell boring after a while.
His life fell into a lull. He had become one of the most powerful people in the land, his daily battles now too easily won. His fellow Harbingers didn’t want to fight him, too concerned with deceit and lies and backstabbing.
He started stirring up trouble wherever he went. Unleashing his skills wherever he could, yearning for excitement. He was sure he wasn’t ever going to find it again.
Until Lumine.
He had initially written her off as another part of the mission. She was entertaining, sure, but just another pawn like him.
Then the Golden House happened.
He had laughed when she drew her blade, eyes angry and in disbelief. He respected her for challenging him, unafraid. Too bad she was going to fail. Signora had said she was weak—resilient—but weak. Easily subdued.
But the traveler had beat him. Not once. Not twice. Three times.
And when he was kneeling on the ground, air punched from his lungs from her attacks, there was a burn that ignited in his chest. For the first time in forever, he felt alive.
And just like that, he was drawn to her. Inexorably. Dangerously.
He longed to be with her: to fight her, to make her smile, to have her in his arms. He yearned to know everything about her, to follow her on her adventures. Everything else didn’t matter anymore. He just wanted her.
It was a dangerous conflict of interests. As he drew closer and closer to Lumine, his allegiance to the Tsaritsa waned. He felt it in himself; like a fraying string, his loyalty to Snezhnaya was on its last thread. It was only a matter of time before the other Harbingers noticed it as well.
Snezhnaya—a cold country of cruelty and guarded hearts, freezing temperatures and unforgiving vengeance. If the Harbingers found that their Eleventh lieutenant was falling for their enemy, they would murder him on the spot.
“Tartaglia,” Pedrelino, the First Harbinger, called.
Childe blinked, his mind leaving behind his ruminations to bring him back to the meeting of Harbingers before him. “Yes, Pedrelino?” he responded.
“Your mind seems to be distant nowadays,” Pulcinella, the Fifth Harbinger, remarked, eyes searching.
“Oh, please,” Signora interrupted. “When does he even use his brain?”
“Never,” Scaramouche answered. “He’s just a mindless brute who only knows how to destroy.” His eyes narrowed. “It’s a wonder how he became a Harbinger.”
“Are you questioning the reasoning of the Tsaritsa?” Pedrelino asked, his voice booming.
Scaramouche flinched slightly. “I would never. I am merely making an assessment of the recent failures Tartaglia has exhibited. Not to mention not his refusal to follow orders.”
“Refusal to follow orders?” Childe echoed. “What are you talking about?”
The Sixth Harbinger lips twisted into a sardonic smile. “Perhaps you haven’t been paying attention in our recent meetings. You are supposed to be stationed in Fontaine and yet, a multitude of Fatui agents have reported your noticeable absence from the city.” He tilted his head. “Along with reports you are still present in Liyue.”
“Liyue?” Signora asked. “I thought you had left after we collected Morax’s gnosis?”
Shit. Childe shrugged, attempting to obscure his nervousness. “I didn’t feel like leaving just yet.”
Signora pulled her lips into a terse frown. “Valuing your own interests over the will of the Tsaritsa?”
Childe glanced around the room. Every Harbinger’s eyes were on him, waiting for an answer. If he didn’t convince them now, they’d convict him of treason, and execute him for betrayal to their queen.
He thought of Lumine, how much he’d rather be with her right now.
“Tartaglia,” Pedrelino said, his voice spiking into a threat. “Do you have an answer or not?”
Would he be able to survive if he broke his loyalty to the Tsaritsa?
“Tartaglia,” Pulcinella repeated, voice almost dipping into pity. “Is your loyalty wavering?”
Pulcinella, the one who saw the potential in Childe those many years ago, who brought him to the Fatui, pushing him to become a Harbinger. Now, when Childe looked at him, he saw Pulcinella’s ever calculating eyes predicting the end for him.
If the end meant he would be free of his duties, to freely follow Lumine on her adventures like how he told Tonia he would, maybe it wouldn’t be so bad.
“No,” Childe said. He wasn’t the greatest strategist, only knowing how to rush in and strike with all his might, but even he knew renouncing his allegiance to the queen in a room with her most powerful and loyal subordinates was not the smartest idea. Maybe he could just sneak away in the night. He robotically recited, “My allegiance is to the one and only queen of Snezhnaya.”
“I trust you will be in Fontaine by tomorrow then,” Pedrelino said.
Childe nodded, and the Harbingers lingered their eyes on him for a while before returning to normal.
“Very good,” the First Harbinger continued. “To the next order of business: Scaramouche, what of your reports of the meteors in Mondstadt?”
“I think I’m close to unveiling some important information about the whole event,” the Sixth Harbinger answered. Then, he scowled. “I ran into that damned traveler but she got away with some Hydro witch. If only that witch weren’t there, I could’ve gotten rid of her once and for all.”
All sound faded from Childe’s hearing.
Scaramouche tried to kill Lumine?
His stomach churned what felt like hot acid, and his blood felt like it was boiling. Every single muscle in his body tensed, and the jumble of thoughts in his head narrowed to just one: kill Scaramouche.
“You tried to kill the traveler?” Childe asked, straining to keep his voice even.
Scaramouche scoffed. “Yes, when you so epically failed at that, I was going to clean up your mess.”
Childe looked to Pedrelino. “That’s our new objective? To kill her?”
“The Tsaritsa hasn’t ordered it directly,” Pedrelino responded. “However, if she is interfering with the queen’s plans, then we must take action where we see fit.”
“You should’ve just saved us the trouble and killed her in the Golden House, Childe,” Signora said.
“You should’ve saved us the trouble and killed her when taking Barbatos’ gnosis,” Scaramouche interjected.
Signora glared at him. “At that point, she was insignificant, weak. I don’t know how, but she is getting stronger now. It would be better for us to eliminate her as soon as possible.”
Childe shot up from his seat. He hadn’t even thought of it, his body moved of its own volition. Maybe his mind had enough of imagining Lumine, dead.
“I don’t agree with this,” he spat out. Anger pulsed all throughout him, his muscles electric. “You will not kill her.”
Pedrelino stood as well. “Tartaglia, what is the meaning of this? Are you refusing to protect our queen?”
He didn’t want to protect the Tsaritsa anymore. If protecting the Archon of Snezhnaya meant killing Lumine, he would gladly let the queen die. He knew that losing Lumine would mean his life wouldn’t be whole again; he’d spend his days in the dark, trying to find that light, that thrill, that reason to live again—and nothing would ever come close to replacing her.
She was ethereal. She was a mystery. She was someone he wanted to devote himself to.
“Yes,” Childe answered. In his mind’s eye, he saw his last thread of loyalty breaking. “I renounce my loyalty to the Tsaritsa. I will not be one of her Harbingers anymore.”
At his proclamation, the rest of the Harbingers stood, weapons drawn.
“We cannot let you live after this betrayal,” Pulcinella said, voice unusually soft.
Childe smiled. “I’ll live,” he responded. “I’ll live as long as I need to protect Lumine from every single person in this room.”
Scaramouche guffawed. “You’re joining the enemy’s side? For her?!”
“A lovesick puppy,” Signora said, conjuring icicles around her. “How disgusting.”
Pulcinella raised his own weapon, his face set afrown. “There is no going back, Tartaglia.”
“My mind’s made up,” Childe replied. “Goodbye.”
Immediately, he activated his Foul Legacy Transformation, lightning thundering around him. The Harbingers weren’t phased, and started to rush him. With all his strength, he crouched, then leapt upwards, crashing through the ceiling.
He couldn’t fight them now. It wasn’t the right moment. Not before he made it to Lumine.
Once he was on the roof, he dashed into the snow covered land of Snezhnaya, knowing there was only one place to go. Lumine.
* * *
Where was she?
The sun was dipping below the horizon, and he was still sitting on the bridge to Mondstadt.
He had made it there in the morning, after days and days of travelling from Snezhnaya, all while in his weakened state. As always, after using the Foul Legacy Transformation, his body was drained of energy, not to mention his ex-comrades had actually gotten a few hits on him as he escaped.
As expected of the Harbingers, he thought gingerly as he continued applying pressure to his side where Signora had punctured him with her Cryo magic. The makeshift bandage from his scarf worked for a while, but now blood was seeping through it.
He kept looking at the path, waiting for that little blonde head to come walking down towards him. He blinked the exhaustion from his eyes. He wouldn’t be able to stay awake for long. And with his injuries, who knew if he would wake up.
The smart thing would have been to get medical attention. But he wasn’t very smart. He just wanted to see Lumine as soon as he could.
His head felt heavy. He let his head hang, closing his eyes. Maybe just for a minute…
He wasn’t sure how long his eyes were closed, but after a while, someone was shaking him. He fought the tiredness, raising his head, hazily making out a familiar traveler crouched before him.
Finally.
Relief bubbled in his chest, and he couldn’t help but let out a laugh.
“Took you long enough, girlie,” he strained out.
“Childe, what happened?!” Lumine asked desperately.
She’s concerned. “I may have done something stupid. Very stupid.”
“Tell me something I don’t know,” she said, exasperated. She held out her arms, and he crawled into them, wrapping his arms around her midriff, his head against her stomach, the pain of his injuries fading from his mind.
“Childe,” she called softly. “I wasn’t asking for a hug; I’m trying to help you get up.”
“Just…just let me stay here. A little while longer,” he breathed.
“We have to treat your injuries.”
“We will. Just…hang on.”
He felt her sigh, but then felt her hand on his head, smoothing out his hair.
It was warm, being with her, in her arms, the warmest he had ever felt in his cold, cold life.
The world faded around him, and all he felt was Lumine’s hand, softly running through his hair. His restless spirit felt calm for once.
Was he slipping away? Was it finally the end for him?
It’s okay.
It was okay because he was here. He was here, with her, and this was where he was always meant to be.
* * *
* * *
* * *
He didn’t expect to open his eyes again.
But when he did, he was in a small bedroom, simple, with a window across from his bed that gave a view of Mondstadt.
He slowly sat up, his injuries now only a dull ache. He felt a pressure on his hand.
Lumine was in a chair right against the bed. She was still sitting in the chair, an uncomfortable position as she laid her upper body on the bed, her hand on Childe’s. She was sound asleep, tiny breaths going in and out of her nose.
He could have stared at her sleeping face forever, but he got out of bed, picking her up, and setting her on the bed instead, sitting down next to her. At this, her eyes opened.
“You’re awake!” she gasped. She shot up.
So much for letting her lay down. “How long have I been out?” he asked.
Her eyes and hands were all over him, checking on the various injuries. “Only a few days,” she answered as she did her check-up. “Your wounds are pretty much healed.”
“Thank you,” he said to her, sincerely.
A light flush went across her cheeks. “So are you going to tell me what happened to you?”
He looked out the window, at the soft hazy lanterns glowing in the nighttime alleyways. “I left the Harbingers.”
“You what?!” Her mouth was agape. “Why would you do that?”
Childe turned to her, looking into her golden eyes. She was shocked, yes, but there was something underlying that, something that resonated with him as well. Relief. She was glad he wasn’t a part of the Harbingers anymore.
He put his hand down on the bed, leaning in closer to her. “Why do you think I did it?”
Lumine didn’t back away. “I…I don’t know.”
He tilted his head. “I left the Harbingers and immediately came to you. You really don’t know?”
She glanced downwards, averting his gaze. “I mean…I think that…,” she trailed off, lost in thought. “Why would you do it for me?” she whispered.
“What wouldn’t I do for you?” he answered back. “You’ve got 10 Harbingers coming for you. I won’t let them lay a finger on you.”
Her face flushed even more. “I can protect myself,” she muttered.
“I know.” He stood up, walking to the chair where she had put his scarf and the rest of his armor embellishments. “But I can’t be by their side if they’re trying to kill you.”
“Funny how a few months ago you were trying to do the same.”
He picked up his Delusion, the symbol of his allegiance to the Tsaritsa, the symbol of his status as a Harbinger. “A lot can happen in a few months.” He turned back to walk to her. “We get along now pretty well, don’t you think?”
“I guess…,” she responded, still averting his gaze.
Stubborn as ever. He knelt next to the bed, and took her hands into his. Lumine’s head snapped to his hands, brows furrowed at what he was doing. Still, she didn’t withdraw her hands.
“A lot can happen in a few months,” he repeated. He took the Delusion, placing it in her hands; she immediately recognized it. “Loyalties change. Feelings change.”
He could tell she knew where this was going. She stuttered, “Childe, I—”
He softly kissed her hands. “Lumine, you are the only reason I am here, why I am living.” He looked up into her eyes. “I’ll be by your side, wherever you go. My devotion is to you, only you.”
She stared at him, taking in his words. “It’s going to be a dangerous road ahead, Childe.”
“Am I one to ever shy away from danger?”
A playful scoff. “No.” Her hands gripped the Delusion. “Are you sure about this?”
“I’m more sure about this than anything else I’ve ever been sure about in my life.”
She smiled. That lovely expression. He would gladly do anything to see that smile.
“Thank you, Childe. This means more to me than you’ll ever know,” she told him.
“I’m not a Harbinger anymore. There’s no need to call me by my codename.”
“…Then what do I call you?”
He stood, leaning over her. “Ajax. Call me Ajax.”
“Okay.” She whispered, “Ajax.”
It had been a while since he had heard his birth name. But hearing it from her sent chills down his spine.
He climbed onto the bed beside her. “Can you say it again? Please?” he asked quietly.
“Ajax,” she called quietly as well. She didn’t flinch as he put his forehead against hers, their breaths mingling.
“Do you want me to stop?”
“No.” Her hands slinked up his arm, resting on his shoulders. “Kiss me, please.”
He smiled. “Anything for you, my queen.”
* * *
so this is a little similar to “mask” but i wanted to write something from childe’s perspective on completely leaving the harbingers for lumine c: