Castle Dimitrescu Household Rules (non-negotiable)

(Pink is Alcina, Red is Bela, Orange is Cassandra, Green is Daniela)

• No, you cannot pour lukewarm milk over your sister’s head.
• NO KILLING OPOSSUMS
• No, we are not getting a refrigerator dedicated to ham in the basement.
• Using your sister’s mattress to slide down the staircase is unacceptable. (Can we use boxes?) (Yeah, that’s fine.)
• Attendance to my read-alouds are mandatory
• Roughhousing is an outdoors activity only.
• don’t fucking put the wine bottles back if there’s none left
• It is not okay to dump buckets of water on your sister because you think she’s dirty. Your sister is not an animal. We have twelve bathrooms in this house. Use one.
• Don’t forget to give your daily sacrifices to Mother Miranda by pulling out one of your teeth and throwing it into the fire of the main parlor (DO NOT)
• Coming to my meetings with me is a privilege, not a right, and I’ll leave you there with Heisenberg if you don’t behave Cassandra
• No, we are NOT getting a pet Lycan. Stop asking. (Please?) (Daniela, what did I just write?)
• Heisenberg has Twitter? Twitter is now banned from the castle.
• I’M NOT CALLING ANGIE “AUNTIE ANGIE” STOP TELLING ME TO.
• Stop asking the Duke if he sells updog. (Actually, I don’t mind their company!) (How did you get on here?) (:3)
• To Bela: I understand you need a place to practice your book reading, but the roof is not the place for that.
• STOP TRYING TO SELL YOUR SISTERS TO THE DUKE.
• I love you all unconditionally. Never forget that.
• On second thought, Mama’s love has limits. Bela, WE ARE NOT MAKING A WEEKLY HOLIDAY CALLED “SELF-DESTRUCT SUNDAY.”