Dear Journal #1

I’m about to record some music soon. You know? That job I actually love doing. Before I do that, I thought I’d write something down. After all, with the uncertainty surrounding Twitter, I guess I have an excuse to start journaling. Channel my inner Douglas Yancey Funnie, if you will (IYKYK).

2022 wasn’t a great year. Good moments, yes. Mentally, however, there was a lot of thinking that I was ok when I really wasn’t. I wish I could tell you that it was one big bad that came into my life that sent me into a spiral. It was realizing and coming to terms with the fact that a lot of what I’ve been told in the last three decades regarding how to succeed in life was a flat out lie.

I got sad about this. Hell, I’m still sad about this. I didn’t know who or what to trust. This was especially true in the content creation space where everything can change in a heartbeat. Am I talented enough to be famous, or was it all smoke? Are they really that successful because of the grind or was it right place, right time? If it was the grind, how did you rise while I fell?

Imagine these questions and more going through your head every single day, putting a damper on your work and personal life. Worse yet, destroying your creativity and wondering if you ever belonged in the creative space to begin with.

I know what you’re thinking. What did the therapist say? I paid $110 an hour for “take a deep breath”.

The silver lining is I know what the truth is now for the most part. Now my biggest hurdle is, how can I make the best of this? It starts with faith in myself. The things I’ve created and want to create make me happy. There are a large amount of people who have heard and seen what I create and enjoy it. Some have even told me they were inspired by it.

I have to have faith that I can do more of that. I have to have faith that it will be heard by the right ears and not some Spotify curator. This only works if I keep creating. I can’t do so if I keep disassociating.

On this day
I start again
I can’t change the world if I stay in my head
I won’t let time stand still